I love you, daddy

Dearest Daddy,
Although I’m sad that I will no longer get to see you in this life, that I won’t get to hear your laughter as we spend time together or get to see you hold my daughter in your arms, I have felt such peace from God that you are no longer struggling and that He is taking care of us. Even though your time was so short, I do not feel short-changed. We got to experience so much with you-so much time doing the things we loved. I’m so grateful for our special relationship-what a gift from God. I know that most people who have 90 years do not get the time we had or the relationship we had, and for that I am so thankful. Thank you for showing us how deeply you cared for us. It’s amazing to know that you knew how much I love you and what you mean to me; there’s nothing left unsaid. Again, for this, I feel such peace from God.
You’ve always been so good at letting us know you are proud of us. With each new step of our journey, you’ve been there encouraging us, believing in us. It’s funny to think about how much you admired Dale for the way he could share his faith. It’s only funny to me because when I think of the way you have handled your health challenges, you have shared your faith so loudly, without even meaning to. I know it has not always been easy, but your amazing attitude and reliance on God through so much struggle have been a great testimony of what He means to you and how He has touched your life.
I will definitely miss drawing all the attention to our family from our loud laughter, although I’m pretty sure we’ll still be loud enough to draw some stares :). I will miss seeing you and Dale grow in your relationship. I know he will dearly miss you at family gatherings. I know you wish you could see mom as a grandma-you were so excited for her that this baby was coming (even more excited than for me). But I also know that our daughter will be such a joy and comfort to her. I’m excited to see how she is like you. She will definitely know who her grandpa was from all the stories we share and pictures we show her. And I know one day you will get to hold her, she’ll just be a lot bigger :). I will miss getting to ask you advice, but I know I will always think, “What would my dad do?” It was funny because, as we planned your memorial services, we kept thinking this way. Mom, Lindsay and I definitely have you in our heads, helping us make wiser decisions.
But even with all these things (and many more) that I will miss, God has shown me, in so many ways how He is providing for us. On a really difficult day when we were picking your burial site, things were feeling very hard and overwhelming. Then we got the call about the autopsy results. It was amazing how one call could make me feel so blessed. Just to know that it really was your time, that there was nothing anyone could have done-it left me feeling like this was your time to be with God. To know that mom would no longer have to think, “Could I have done more,” was such a freeing feeling. And then to find the perfect burial site, where we could see so many of the places you loved, and actually have the space be available, it just felt like God was taking care of each need, like He knew all of our concerns so intimately and was delicately showing us He was there to take care of each one. I had never experienced such concrete examples of His provision until that point. It’s helped me to know that everything will be okay-that mom will be taken care of.
I love you daddy. We will miss you so much, but we know we will see you again. And to my Heavenly Daddy, thank you for your care. Thank you for holding us in your hands, for walking with us, for carrying us when we can’t see the way. Thank you for giving us someone so special, and for using him to bless so many others. May we continue to see You at work and feel Your healing presence. I love you and thank you for caring for us so deeply. ~Ashley 3/5/09