We both changed in the way we looked at the value of each day. We both saw more the beauty of God giving us each next day and the next....... until, for Dennis, it would be his last. February 17th 2009 was his last full day to live. He would complete that day, but it would be his last complete day.
I don't remember a lot of little things about that day, but there are a couple things I remember. We had an appointment with the hematologist who was trying to get his anemia resolved because the lower levels of blood cells circulating affected the amount of oxygen being carried to his entire body. He needed every extra cell possible. We discussed another blood transfusion as it resolves things more quickly than other options. On the way back to the boat, Dennis and I finally had a brief talk about what was holding him back from consulting with a doctor, a specific doctor, who would evaluate him for the possibility of a lung transplant. The process to be on the list takes 2 years and we hadn't started it yet. I knew part of the reason was his constant positive attitude and belief he would conquer this thing. Anyway, it was hard to bring it up because I never wanted him to feel I doubted him. But a year ago today, somehow we broached the subject and he told me he just thought that once he wasn't anemic, that he might not even need the oxygen. He was going 3 times a week to lung rehab and he had gained so much strength there, he just figured that was one more hurdle he needed to get past. I remember telling him that I agreed with him, but that someday he might have something sudden change where he really needed that transplant, and we would already be on the list if we just started now. That day, he agreed that he would set up an appointment to start.
The other thing I remember about that day is that his hair hurt for the 4th or 5th day in a row. It was his most painful thing to deal with that day. He had shingles on his head and it hurt bad! I remember saying to my girls, poor daddy, why him, why not me, he has so much to deal with already. Please God, can you give him a break from the suffering........
Late that night he was watching a favorite show he recorded on DVR, and he was on his computer doing his favorite dream-building..... looking for his next bigger, better, newer boat! He always was working on dreams.
When we climbed into bed that last time, it was like any other night where you just expect to get up the next morning to a brand new day, like always. God didn't give me any hint it was the last night I would rest with my best friend of 37 years. But thankfully, since we had those life changing moments when he had failing kidneys, we had learned to treat every day and night special, having witnessed how fragile life is.
I'm going to bed tonight just remembering him alive. Remembering how much fun we had together, remembering how many memories we made, remembering what a special dad he was able to be. God gave us so much in our years together. I am very blessed with the memories he allowed us. We even came to share the love of God together, something that I shared alone when we first met. That was such an exciting adventure God gave me, seeing the Godly man my love became.
Good night sweet dreams, appreciate your lives, do what you're here to do, and be who you're here to be. With Love, Ann(a very blessed, well loved woman!)
